Monday, 9 March 2015

The Dedicated Bluebeard: A Narcissist Picture

An excerpt & fascinating insight in to the narcissistic personality by Dr Clarisa Pinkola Estes:

Taken from here.
3. The dedicated Bluebeard. I have a theory. It comes from seeing, living, being in, and watching others be caught in long term crushing circumstances that demeaned daily, tormented body, soul, mind, heart and spirit, daily whether in childhood, adulthood, or both.

Because of the relentless cruelty that follows the initial 'honeymoon mr. or ms. smiley' phase, the insistence on mocking, harming, hurting, demeaning another human being who is said to never be 'enough,' -- and because of the abject failure of medicine, ceremony, psychotherapy to turn this dedicated circuitry of harming behaviours to transformation or to consistent good... my theory is, this is a form of mental retardation that is inborn.

In shrinkdom we note deeply that such a person has no conscience. They know what is right and wrong. They may even have a talent. But choose to do harm after first setting up the victim with over-flattery, trinket giving, time given in doe-eyed listening, every accoutrement of romance or soulmate-ness one might imagine.

Or by pretending to be wounded themselves, pretending to have given up on themselves, pretending to have been beaten down by myriad others. But they do not feel it. The words and actions are mimicry.

Because later, when all has deteriorated into constant attack, often in a living situation with the victim, the person lashing the other has no regret, no remorse about the harms they've done to most often, vulnerable others. They feel justified, for those they target are 'not enough,' do not serve them enough, are not worshiping enough, and so on.

There is another steep fact: A person so situated often has strong appetites of ego, to be worshipped, to be 'important', to be 'the one', to be served, to be pleased with food, sex, money and other.

The lack of ability to care that others can be deeply wounded is missing except for case-worked words, again in mimicry. This, in contrast to the fact that when confronted with the harms one has done to vulnerable others, the character-disordered person will often weep and say, 'What about me, what about my feelings! Look what he/she did to me. '

The redefinition away from self-accountablity, away from true remorse is remarkable in its self-orientation/ There is also, as in the Bluebeard story, often a controlling personality that appears to want to test the vulnerable person; if i do this to you, if i harm you this way or that, I expect you to still bow to me... and etc.


I will end here for now. There is MUCH more to say, but I believe this lays out the three most common ways we can see false-face. One accidental fall into rush-power over others by being false. One creating false-facade perhaps for years for survival's sake.. in order to win life and freedom eventually hopefully. [I'd add, not to be gruesome, but just to gently remind... often a person pretending to be lover but secretly planning to do away with the tyrant-- is a motif in the oldest tales in scriptures as well as myths and folktales... not because it makes good stories, but because these carry truths about certain desperate circumstances faced by the sons and daughter throughout all of Time. ]

And the last, a pathological state of no conscience, repetitive hounding and harming of vulnerable others by first false-facing, then once the naive one is roped in, beginning the slow death of a million cuts and crushing of spirit, soul, mind, body, and heart... not to mention attempting to destroy the innocent person's creative life-- which is of the child Spirit.

I would remind too, that when the conscienceless person is left by the prey, or throws the prey to the side of the road as though dead, there is often enough a little line of needy and fawning people waiting to take the fallen's place.

They too may stay long in the torment, rationalizing, waiting for the moments of sunlight that came first, hoping for the return of that from time to time in the predator even in the midst of the black castle's gloom in the midst of the limbs of trees hanging black and withered in Bluebeard's forest.

Can we pray for all persons caught in the syndrome regardless of their attachment or recklessness with it all...Yes. Ever. However, I would say this. In the case of person without a conscience, I pray even more so, not only that they cease their predations, but that somehow, somewhere, someone finds a way to build a true conscience in those who appear to have not shared in that redemptive and transformative function of the psyche.

Think of it, conscience is what allows us to have mercy, to be compassionate beings, to sorrow over hurting, to aright ourselves, in part because we suffer when we veer from the inborn angel of peace and her sister, justice, and their brother, enduring love.

Let us hold all in prayer, those who suffer, those who have suffered so, those who have caused suffering, those who are currently causing such suffering ... and let us pray too for miracles yet to come that truly help to intervene before the fact in those without conscience, to come soon.

This comes with love,